Monthly Archives: March 2011

The Ghost of Birthdays Past

My mother just had a birthday. 87. She turned 87. I am grateful; I am thrilled to be celebrating dancing singing rejoicing with her. My family descended, en masse. Hovering, wondering: How much longer? Will this be the last one? … Continue reading

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Hey Muse! Where Are You?

Writing, expressing, speaking out, are my salvation. My way home. Sometimes, though, the muse takes a break. She must need it, with all that I demand–no…beg–of her. I find myself without words, without ideas, without my lifeblood. What to do? … Continue reading

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Hope Is Not a Four Letter Word

As you may be able to tell by now, I’m not always in despair; not a permanent resident of the dark side. Being able to move from darkness to light is what gives me hope, and keeps me going even … Continue reading

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Finding God

Last night, I found God again. Or maybe God found me. A spiritual guide and dear friend said to me last night that sometimes you don’t have to search for God. She suggested that I try being still, and maybe … Continue reading

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Where is God?

I am without God today. Devastatingly without God. Without hope. I stress today, because I know it will not be forever. It just feels like it. Just. Hah…just. What a silly minimization. Unjust, more like. The feeling overwhelms, threatens to … Continue reading

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No Body.

No Body. Not today. None that I want, anyway. No connection No stash of self-love No self-compassion. Just fear Blind fear The kind that makes you quake. Fears are feelings. Feelings aren’t facts. That’s what they say. Anyway… I don’t … Continue reading

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Body? What Body?

  I am a brain searching for a body. Disembodied. Unembodied. I am antibodied. Starting at puberty, I developed antibodies to the physical manifestation of a self. Before puberty hit (and it hit like a ton of bricks), I was … Continue reading

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