In-fat-uated

Thinking tonight about being fat. I am. There. I’ve said it – in public. In flagrante delicto, so to speak. So what?

So what? It’s a thing, being fat. A bad thing. People judge. You probably do. I certainly do. People think I’m things that I’m not, or that I’m not things that I am. Appearances can be deceiving, you know?

Listen – you can’t possibly judge me more than I’ve judged myself. You can’t possibly hate me as much as I’ve hated myself. Or be as disdainful. Or dismissive.

I feel all that when I walk down the street. From you and from me. I’m over it. I’m over covering myself up and eating my way into an early grave, because of my self-loathing.

I’m done with diets. I’m done with exercising and exorcising. All in the name of being socially acceptable. Health is my goal. Not societal approbation.

I’m fat. I’m me.

Time for accepting myself.

Radically.

Meeting myself where I am, as I am.

Audrey, meet Audrey. She’s pretty darn cool. Smart, funny, weird as hell (in a good way). Enjoy her. Cherish her. She’s who you are. It could be worse.

You could be Josh Duggar. Now THAT would really suck.

About armsakimbobook

I'm a mother, a lawyer, a feminist, a writer, a potter, and an inveterate and unapologetic New Yorker. My book, Arms Akimbo: A Journey of Healing, tells of my journey of healing over a number of years, learning to live a full life after I was molested by my father at a very young age. I live in Medford, MA, part time with my 11 year-old daughter and full time with our dog, Toast, and our cats, Samson and Hercules.
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14 Responses to In-fat-uated

  1. You touched me. I am fat. I suppose if one was going to go there, its a matter of degree. But you know I’m totally with you. We do need to get over the fat issue. Now health that\s what I believe in. I am so proud to know someone who will come out like you just did and own yourself. I am glad to know you. I want to know the real person, good for you.

  2. So happy to read this post 🙂 You *are* pretty darn cool!

  3. I’ve lost weight and kept it off successfully for years. (Weight Watchers)
    I tried going back, spending the money, spending the time, but wasting the money then not even the time by not even finishing up the meetings I had already paid for. I am unwilling to do it that way again. A part deep inside is screaming for acceptance.
    I made my body balloon up at age eight to numb out nightly attacks. I kept it that way as a way to protect me from people, first I loved most that lived with me, then anybody and everybody else. I became disconnected to feelings of true fullness and hunger. Food became based on survival, emotional instincts and protection.
    I want to feed this poor abused body healthfully and enjoyably (I abused it too in my instincts to survive) and begin to love it and all of me. It’s much easier to hate it, beat it, and berate it. But when I successfully act loving towards it and all parts of me, hmm, that insatiable ‘hunger’ lifts appreciatively and true feelings of hunger and fullness become known and attended to.
    This is an ongoing journey for me and I get off track daily. It is hard HARD to be kind to myself!

  4. a very wonderful blog post. I love it all and esp this: I am, as I am.

  5. Ellen Hawley says:

    Enough with the idea that everyone should look the same. Don’t we, as a culture, have anything better to worry about?

  6. kauaiartist says:

    Thank you so much for liking my poem Bradley, on my blog: WordMusic. I think all of us need to meet a Bradley from time to time. He’s real, you know. He was a hoot.

    Brent Kincaid

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